last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need to stop coming to work sober
no. you can't hotbox the world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
