Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
