The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
