$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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