the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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