we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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