he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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