the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
50% drunk capacity currently
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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