I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
