i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
