Define "chronic" masturbator.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
