Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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