No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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