that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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