do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
