So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
