the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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