this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
