He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
