I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is Oprah even human
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
