I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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