if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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