Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You ruined the universe
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
