I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
