Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
