And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
