I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
