I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
