He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
