There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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