mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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