Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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