OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
