so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
