FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize