i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
