dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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