I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
