So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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