I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
