you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
