I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
