I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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