It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
