I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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