So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
