Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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