Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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