If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
