So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
