Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
