I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you win again, gameday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think my cat just said my name.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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