you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
