i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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