i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
