Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
