I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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