I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
