ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize