the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
