Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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