I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
