You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
