can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
