Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
